Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
