I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
