I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
