do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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