K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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