Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
