Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
