i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
