Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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