please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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