Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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