You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
