Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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