you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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