if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
