He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
