Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize