what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
