My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
