Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
