Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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