It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I will pee on everything he values.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
