I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
