Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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