i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
