They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
