Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
