if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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