I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
