Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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