I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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