man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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