Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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