seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
