Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
