I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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