Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
