In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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