someone owes me an orgasm
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
