I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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