sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
