I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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