I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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