Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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