smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Randomize
