from now on my penis is your penis
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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