why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
