I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
