Only a mothe r could love this liver
we made out on top of his cat.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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