OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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