just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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