Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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