I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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