Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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