Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
