I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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