he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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