HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
