WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
